I had a great lesson with one of my riding students today. I don’t know that she would call it great; she was having a rough ride with her horse. But she rode well and made several improvements, and I sent her home with some homework that I hope she follows through with. I told her to repeat this to herself several times this week:

“I will be kinder to myself because I’m doing the best that I can.”

The issue she was struggling with had nothing to do with her riding and everything to do with the fact that she didn’t give herself any room to make mistakes. She was merciless towards herself whenever she did anything “wrong” — though arguably, you can’t do anything “wrong” that early in the learning stage.

Holding herself to an impossible standard of perfection robbed her of the freedom and courage to try new things and laugh at her oops moments. Instead, it became an emotionally and physically grueling practice that couldn’t possibly deliver anything but disappointment.

Learning new skills and trying new hobbies can be so hard. Years ago, when I was struggling with my own horse, I used to sit in the closet and cry because I was so frustrated. I started dreading my rides. I dreaded going to the barn. And it wasn’t because I didn’t like riding and didn’t like my horse. It was because I tried to hold myself to an impossible standard of perfection, and I showed myself no mercy for my mistakes.

For some reason, I’ve never felt this same insane pressure on myself as a writer. My writing “mistakes” — be it typos, plot holes, or missed deadlines — make me laugh and shake my head. There’s no stress, and in that stress-free space, I’m free to try new things, make mistakes, experiment, and enjoy myself. The ability to do those things means that I learn faster, write faster, and improve faster.

Writing is a craft and a practice. It requires hard work, dedication, and discipline. What it doesn’t require is for you to be ruthless, rough, or cruel to yourself. It doesn’t require that you set impossible standards and self-flagellate if you don’t reach them. You don’t have to be afraid to try anything. You don’t have to be afraid of “failure” — whatever that even means.

Writing is a space that invites you to be kind to yourself. So, be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can.